The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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