Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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