I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
