i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
