dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
