I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
