...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
