I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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