Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
