i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
