the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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