I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
