Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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