I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
