I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
