I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
