The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
