Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
