So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
