just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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