I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
