It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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