we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
