What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I deserve this hangover.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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