Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
