I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
