Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
