If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
