The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
