The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
