If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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