I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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