i just had sex bonerless
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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