I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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