i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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