My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize