what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
