4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
