I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
