I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
