everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
