my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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