I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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