I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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