tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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