Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
