I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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