I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
