I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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