last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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