smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
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2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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