My liver just broke up with me...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
