Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
