i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
