How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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