I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i think im in europe. pls send help
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
