i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
