Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
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Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
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You can't just leave with hair like that
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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