Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
