as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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