Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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