shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
