I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
