I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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