She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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