The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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