i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
