The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
