I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dick very happy bro
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize