Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
