I am puke
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
