you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm always down for nudity.
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