K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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