it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
