we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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