do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
