So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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