i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
