i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
