nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
